Ramblings of a twenty something or other

Education for Men

2007-03-02T08:35:00.000Z

Fine - This is the word women use to end an argument when they feel they are right and you need to shut up. Never use "fine" to describe how a woman looks - this will cause you to have one of those arguments.

Five Minutes - This is half an hour. It is equivalent to the five minutes that your football game is going to last before you take out the trash, so it's an even trade.

Nothing - This means "something," and you should be on your toes. "Nothing" is usually used to describe the feeling a woman has of wanting to turn you inside out, upside down, and backwards. "Nothing" usually signifies an argument that will last "Five Minutes" and end with "Fine".

Go Ahead - (With Raised Eyebrows!) This is a dare. One that will result in a woman getting upset over "Nothing" and will end with the word "Fine".Go Ahead - (Normal Eyebrows) This means "I give up" or "Do what you want because I don't care". You will get a "Raised Eyebrow Go Ahead" in just a few minutes, followed by "Nothing" and "Fine" and she will talk to you in about "Five Minutes" when she cools off.

Loud Sigh- This is not actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A "Loud Sigh" means she thinks you are an idiot at that moment, and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you over "Nothing".

Soft Sigh- Again, not a word, but a non-verbal statement. "Soft Sighs" mean that she is content. Your best bet is to not move or breathe, and she will stay content.

That's Okay - This is one of the most dangerous statements that a woman can make to a man. "That's Okay" means that she wants to think long and hard before paying you back for whatever it is that you have done. "That's Okay" is often used with the word "Fine" and in conjunction with a "Raised Eyebrow".

Please Do - This is not a statement, it is an offer. A woman is giving you the chance to come up with whatever excuse or reason you have for doing whatever it is that you have done. You have a fair chance with the truth, so be careful and you shouldn't get a "That's Okay".

Thanks - A woman is thanking you. Do not faint. Just say "You're welcome".

Thanks A Lot - This is much different from "Thanks". A woman will say "Thanks A Lot" when she is really ticked off at you. It signifies that you have offended her in some callous way, and will be followed by the "Loud Sigh". Be careful not to ask what is wrong after the "Loud Sigh" as she will only tell you "Nothing".

Thanks everyone

2007-03-02T08:29:00.000Z

Thanks to everyone who has visited my Mums blog and passed on their kind thoughts abouts about my Nana's passing. Honestly it has been very comforting to us all. Special thanks to Ian and Jennifer (you know who you are !) for their kind words and card. Everyone has been genuinely kind to us all and it has restored my faith in human beings after the scumbags who stole from my Nana a few weeks ago.

Weighty Question

2007-02-10T18:00:00.000Z

Some good news today. I had my letter from the council parking dept and I have been awarded a blue badge for a year. Normally they are for three years but I figured it would be shorter than that because of needing more info on my prognosis.

The snow is finally starting to clear now so it will be good to be able to get out and about more than I have been for a bit rather than just to the doctors / hospital / work.

Had a very bad time with the pain this morning and OH turned to me and said -"Don't you think it would help if you dropped some weight." Cheeky Bar steward its hardly like hes matchstick like either. Im not fat I am in shape ....round is a shape.

Nah it did shock me that he would say that as my BMI is reasonable although with not walking and Christmas admittdly I am still * a little * lardy round the edges. Think I shall eat his bar of chocolate that is in the fridge as compensation.

...And after having to shell out for a new sofa suite as ours was bust, forking out £200 for the car service and over £200 for a decent wheelchair our washing machine breaks down. 2 days after the Currys sale ends- sods law.

Shopping fun !

2007-02-10T16:26:00.000Z

Do you HATE the BORING weekly supermarket shop????

Try these suggestions to spice up the trip!!!

Take boxes of condoms and randomly put them in people's trolleys when they are not looking.

Set all the alarm clocks in Housewares to go off at 5-minuteintervals.

Make a trail of tomato juice on the floor leading to feminine products aisle.

Move a 'CAUTION - WET FLOOR' sign to a carpeted area.

Set up a tent in the outdoor clothing department and tell shoppers you will invite them in if they would bring sausages and a Calor gas stove.

Look right into the security camera; use it as a mirror, pick your nose, and eat it.

While appearing to be choosing kitchen knives in the Housewares aisle ask an assistant if they know where the antidepressants are.

Dart around the store suspiciously, loudly humming the"Mission Impossible" theme.

In the kitchenware aisle, practise the "Madonna look"using different size funnels.

Hide in a clothing rack and while people browse, yell"PICK ME!" "PICK ME!"

When an announcement comes over the loud speaker,assume the foetal position and scream "NO! NO! It's those voices again."

Go into a fitting room, shut the door, wait a while; then yell, very loudly, "There is no toilet paper in here."

Designer Dogs

2007-02-08T14:27:00.000Z

New designer cross breed dogs...
Collie + Lhasa Apso =Collapso, a dog that folds up for easy transport
Spitz + Chow Chow =Spitz-Chow, a dog that throws up a lot
Pointer + Setter =Poinsetter, a traditional Christmas pet
Great Pyrenees + Dachshund =Pyradachs, a puzzling breed
Pekingese + Lhasa Apso =Peekasso, an abstract dog
Irish Water Spaniel + English Springer Spaniel =Irish Springer, a dog fresh and clean as a whistle
Labrador Retriever + Curly Coated Retriever =Lab Coat Retriever, the choice of research scientists
Newfoundland + Basset Hound= Newfound Asset Hound, a dog for financial advisors
Terrier + Bulldog= Terribull, a dog that makes awful mistakes
Bloodhound + Labrador =Blabador, a dog that barks incessantly
Malamute + Pointer= Moot Point, owned by...oh well, it doesn't matter anyway
Collie + Malamute= Commute, a dog that travels to work
Deerhound + Terrier= Derriere, a dog that's true to the end
Bull Terrier + Shih Tzu= Bull Shih Tzu, a gregarious but unreliable breed

Update

2007-02-07T16:19:00.000Z

Even though I am off work at the moment I have oodles to do, an assignment sorting out Union business both locally and the logistics of conferences and it was lovely to see my folks at the weekend just to have some get away from it space.

I haven't mentioned it on here before because I wanted to tell mum and dad first but I have some new transport at the moment. I was fighting it for a while but it actually not as bad as I imagined.

Today I have had my assessment for a blue badge and I should know within a couple of weeks if I am eligible. There has been hell up in the local newspaper a.k.a fish and chip wrapping over the amount of people the council are turning down even a guy who has two artificial knees!.

I must admit after the cursory five minute examine the nurse gave me -with no reference to my medical notes I do question why this scheme can't be administered by the patients G.P.

Going out for a meal tonight as yesterday was mother in law's birthday shes lovely but a bugger to buy for. So Dave took her a big bunch of flowers and some chocs yesterday (I was too ill) and we are going to take her and father in law out for a slap up meal tonight. We had to do something as we had ran out of Andrea Bocelli CD's and DVD's to buy her. Cunnigly I had worked out that she liked him from the poor discription she gave me of "the blind fella".

I love the internet

2007-02-01T16:11:00.000Z

At home feeling yucky and bleugh and I can still shop for shoes technology is great!

Sofa Loafer

2007-02-01T14:13:00.000Z

All go today thank flipping heck that OH's dad has been here. New Sofa was supposed to be delivered between 12-6. Daves dad came down at 10 to help Dave take the old sofa to the tip. (It had been eaten by the lurcher). New sofa we are reassured by OH will definately fit through door.

Luckily I am in all day as the delivery unexpectedly arrives at 10.30am when theres only me and dog in the house. Course now I can barely walk (having a mega bad day) compared to yesterday and so unable to bring sofa inside. Which definately WON'T fit though door. Delivery men end up leaving sofa in back garden and 1 hurried call to Dave and he and his dad achieved the impossible and managed to bring it in after ages of huffing and puffing.

Now sofa is done I am knackered after rooting round for keys / trying to look after the dog and sorting out two jobsworth delivery fellas.

I also have lots of things to do as the house is a tip and I need to complete some forms by the end of today. I also definately need the front room redecorated as my wallpaper has marks from where the old sofa was next to it and it looks horrible.

I can't wallpaper for toffee ...neither can OH bugger.

Sorry for the delay

2007-01-30T19:05:00.000Z

I have been unwell ...quite unwell infact. I have been having very bad pains and fatigue which have even been affecting my ability to walk more than a few feet, painful spasms and it is difficult for me to work properly (Not just blonde syndrome for once). My doctor has been seeing me since before christmas on and off. He has told me that in his opinion it is probable that I am having a relapse of M.E. although at this stage he isn't ruling out MS completely. Bugger.

Sunday Fun for Eric and Dave

2007-01-21T16:35:00.000Z

ermmm

2007-01-21T14:56:00.000Z

still avoiding starting on my essay on avoiding work. Ironic huh?

This week my fence blew down due to the gales it is now fixed thanks to some Dave handiwork (with me it's Don't Do It Yourself). OH has taken Eric out for a walk on Cannock Chase so they can spot the wild deer whilst I am here *supposedly* writing aforementioned essay.

But instead
I've just ordered the second series of House M.D. and am gonna finish the 1st series which OH bought me for christmas.

Dave is still actively job hunting and has some more interviews lined up. Seems the new trend is to not to even bother to contact you if you are unsuccessful at interview which I think is downright rude. Fair enough I can understand not replying if you don't make it to interview but if you have bothered to attend interview they should come back to you.

Right off the soapbox.
or the crispbox in my case. Pringles are devils work.

sick and tired

2007-01-14T19:16:00.000Z

Feel ill and knackered ..have had my essay back from University. On course for a 2:1. Glad about that but I am tired there on so much law economics and political science a gal can take on a sunday morning. distance based learning is gruelling but ate masses of chocolate to make me feel better about having my weekend hijacked, AND I've got my new essay title... how workers avoid work errmm I know nothing about that honest guv. ;-P

nowt to say...except

2007-01-05T19:29:00.000Z

Loving the ending of the green wing special. Where is Dirk in Celeb BB ?. He never seems to have anything to say. Ken Russell is the best ...laughed like anything when I saw him go in. OH wondered who he was..but knew H from Steps I am worried.

sorry about the delay...

2007-01-04T17:32:00.000Z

Well I went over to the parents for christmas and a good time was had by Eric Dave and I. We had a quite new year and I tried to do the good daughter bit by helping out as much as I could for poor mum who wasn't lucky like Dave, Dad and I to be off more than the bank holidays.

Anyway. Back to Stoke and no new years resolutions however I have decided to look for another job as both OH and I agree that my physical health is my priority. I like what I do don't get me wrong. It's just I can't do in effect 2 37 hour a week jobs which is what my employer expects me to do. I have done a time movement study which proves that I am spending more than my alloted hours on purely work related Union business (e.g re-writing company policies etc). Never mind manage my staff..... I feel sorry for them I do. I feel like piggy in the middle.

Any way on a lighter note looking forward to Ugly Betty and Green Wing special as well as the Producers movie on TV soon

and I'm sooo glad Dirk Benedict from the A team is in the Celeb Big Brother House... oh mother what have you done to me???

Yay!

2006-12-19T17:43:00.000Z

Now the posties are back at work from their two day strike I got a mountain of mail this morning. Usual stuff letters from the Union solicitors advising me yet another one of my members is trying to sue my employer blah blah blah.

Also after slight worries due to strike and christmas post the train tickets to london have appeared. Have confirmed to hotel is book so don't worry Barry Dave and I won't have to kip on your floor !

Mother in law( half jokingly) asked if Eric was going to London with us. We told her that all dogs have to be carried on the tube and neither Dave or I are up to carrying about 50 or so pounds of giant lurcher dangled over our shoulders! Although I don't think taking the lurcher to a show about giant killer bunny rabbits would be a good idea either... Not that Eric works the only thing he's caught up with lately is his beauty sleep (lazy sod!).

Typical

2006-12-18T22:35:00.000Z

been referred to hospital for a minor thing (won't go into detail here)... now you get to choose which hospital you want to go to via the new choose and book system. Get off the phone after arranging an appointment (only 4 ish weeks away v.good methinks) -then settle down and watch the local news and see very same hospital in the news for all the wrong reasons.

Good job I'm that unpopular that even the diseases want to keep away from me. Although I do have a fair old bit of flesh that Steptococcus pyogenes and his pals could have a good old munch on.... quicker than dieting and cheaper than liposuction.

Actually to be honest it comes as no surprise that this particular hospital has caught the headlines for the wrong reasons. This particular hospital is very run down in buildings dating back to Victorian times. . we can only wait and see what happens when the new (scaled down)super hospital arrives...

thank you Septuagent

2006-12-18T22:28:00.000Z

I will shortly be contacting Computeractive as well as OFCOM. I think the issue of the MAC codes seems to be a bit like the issue the Energy industry had with privatisation (I work in Energy) it just seems like all these things get rushed through without actually thinking about the consequences its frustrating though when you get stuck in the middle -especially when like me you have the IT literacy of a dead goldfish and prefer things to be simple.

grrr part 2

2006-12-17T17:12:00.000Z

Right on the phone again to AOL after getting a unoffensive but entirely also unhelpful standard "we can't be bothered to actually get a human to read your email but we've guessed what you were wittering on about by a tag word in your email title anyway hope this banal drivel helps-type of email reply".

So on the phone to AOL for another attempted polite attempt for for MAC code. Apparently no I can't have it -why when OFCOM say legally you have to give it to me- no we won't because it won't do you any good anyway your line has a LLU tag and everyone else bar AOL won't accept this! so the only way off AOL is 20 days with no Internet.

Surely this isn't so in this day and age? Spoke to Sky (my prefferred supplier of choice) and they think its rubbish and AOL are trying to dodge their responsibilities.

Any geeks ahem I mean technologically minded individuals out there know if this is right. I CAN'T be without Internet (vital lifeline literally for the dog rescue side of life) and decidedly unpleasant for a "virtually" based union branch such as ours us for most of the time.

However at this rate I would suffer (as would the death row hounds) just to get away from the liars ahem I mean AOL. High ho high ho on monday to OFCOM I go !!!

Grrr

2006-12-15T18:15:00.000Z

Having major issues with AOL at the moment - time lag faults, connectivity issues so am trying to change to Sky Broadband but AOL are not playing ball. I need a MAC code from them before I can switch and they promised me faithfully they would email it to me and I am waiting and waiting and thats when I can flipping get on line to check! It seems a lot of their broadband customers are having the same problem. They seem arrogant and rude and I don't appreciate paying national rate call charges while waiting forever for them to offer mediocre "loyalty packages" (I can get 4x better package from Sky for the same price they were offering which I add is £8 a month less than what I pay now!

Just sent them (AOL) a nasty email threatening to take them to OFCOM.

Just a message that British (or should that be Indian) Gas should take heed of. Customers vote with their feet.

found an intersting website tonight

2006-12-14T21:22:00.000Z

if you are nosy to see how "common" you are (well your surname anyway) go here

London here I come.....

2006-12-14T20:11:00.000Z

Well what could a real drama queen like me do for her christmas treat. Yep I am going to London for a night at the theatre with OH. Parents have kindly agreed to look after (and hopefully not electrocute) the hound for a night. We will be staying at the Crowne Plaza -London City hotel and doing a bit of last minute christmas shopping. Well you only live once. I will try to get to see my brother even if it is just popping in to his tube station to laugh at his bum fluff ahem I mean handlebar moustache he has been trying to grow.

In the news.....

2006-12-14T20:09:00.000Z

Shop workers in Austria are suing retailers for the 'psychological terror' of being subjected to hours of piped Christmas music. A union study found that listening to endless hours of Silent Night and Jingle Bells made shop staff 'aggressive and confrontational'.

Union spokesperson Gottfried Rieser said: “By the time Christmas comes around there are large scores of abused shop workers who hate the very idea of it. They cannot bear to listen to Christmas songs and completely lose their temper at the slightest mention of anything to do with Christmas”.

Union lawyers had been instructed to see whether legal action can be taken to stop stores constantly playing Christmas jingles, but it appeared there was little they could do. But he added the unions were now calling on employers to voluntarily introduce a code of practice where Christmas music was limited to a few hours a day in peak shopping hours. So it really is that the tills are alive with the sound of muzak.

More banality from Youtube

2006-12-11T20:35:00.000Z

but this ones about my adoptive hometown duck

Is there anything the Americans won't eat?

2006-12-11T20:19:00.000Z

hummm tasty - or maybe not

I am so unpopular!

2006-12-08T19:06:00.000Z

that even my Mum has reported my email as spam so I can't email her! Anyway mum look what I've done to your beloved little pooch Amber as revenge. Who said dressing dogs up in clothes was cruel??? hahaha (evil ( nearly coldsoreless) again grin).

Dog rules at Christmas

2006-12-07T17:09:00.000Z

1. Be especially patient with your humans during this time. They may appear to be more stressed-out than usual and they will appreciate long comforting dog leans
.2. They may come home with large bags of things they call gifts. Do not assume that all the gifts are yours.
3. Be tolerant if your humans put decorations on you. They seem to get some special kind of pleasure out of seeing how you look with fake antlers
.4. They may bring a large tree into the house and set it up in a prominent place and cover it with lights and decorations. Bizarre as this may seem to you, it is an important ritual for your humans, so there are some things you need to know:a. Don't pee on the treeb. Don't drink water in the container that holds the tree c. Mind your tail when you are near the tree d. If there are packages under the tree, even ones that smell interesting or that have your name on them, don't rip them open e. Don't chew on the cord that runs from the funny-looking hole in the wall to the tree
5. Your humans may occasionally invite lots of strangers to come visit during this season. These parties can be lots of fun, but they also call for some discretion on your part:a. Not all strangers appreciate kisses and leans b. Don't eat off the buffet table c. Beg for goodies subtly d. Be pleasant, even if unknowing strangers sit on your sofa e. Don't drink out of glasses that are left within your reach
6. Likewise, your humans may take you visiting. Here your manners will also be important:a. Observe all the rules in #4 for trees that may be in other people's houses. (4a is particularly important) b. Respect the territory of other animals that may live in the house c. Tolerate children d. Turn on your charm big time
7. A big man with a white beard and a very loud laugh may emerge from your fireplace in the middle of the night. DO NOT BITE HIM!!

a christmas carol?

2006-12-04T15:47:00.000Z

christmas greetings

You know you are a dog person when........

2006-12-03T16:29:00.000Z

You have a kiddie wading pool in the garden, but no small children.
Pigs Ears are on your shopping list every week.
You send Valentine's day cards from your dog to his favourite doggy friend.
You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies. The rubbish bin is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.
You can't see out the passenger side of the windscreen because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
Poop has become a source of conversation for you and your significant other.
You refer to yourselves as Mummy and Daddy.
Your dog sleeps with you.
You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but he understands.
You have little songs that you sing to your dog, and he always wags when you sing, even though you can't carry a tune.
Your dog eats fox poop, but you still let him kiss you (but not immediately afterward, of course).
You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.
You carry dog biscuits in your purse or pocket at all times.
You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their children.
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog.
You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable.
You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your boy/girlfriend
You go to the pet supply store every Sunday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
You open your purse, and that big bunch of plastic bags you use for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the bath, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
You meet someone when out walking your dogs and you introduce your dogs first.
You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the Chemist
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy some wood and build him a small staircase so he can climb onto the bed by himself.
You don't think twice about trading licks of an ice cream cone with your dog.
You match your furniture/carpet/clothes to your dog.
All of your charitable donations go to dog-related groups.
You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's).
You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get.
You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore.
You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work.
You are the only idiot out walking in the pouring rain, but your dog needs his walk.
You don't go out for drinks with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dog.
Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog, remember his birthday, and send him greeting cards and gifts.
Your friend's dog acts as Best Dog at your wedding.
Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike (both days).
You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night (after all, his other dish is way down on the first floor...).
Your freezer contains more dog bones than anything else.
You never completely finish a piece of steak or chicken (so your dog gets a taste, too).
You shovel a zig-zag path in the garden snow so your dog can reach all his favourite spots.
You avoid vacuming the house as long as possible because your dog is afraid of the vacum cleaner.
You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.
You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.

and another...

2006-12-02T19:05:00.000Z

True facts about men!
1. If you think the way to a man's heart is through his stomach you're aiming too high.
2. Woman don't make fools of men -- most of them are the do-it-yourself types.
3. The best reason to divorce a man is a health reason: you're sick of him.
4. Never trust a man who says he's the boss at home. He probably lies about other things too.
5. A woman's work that is never done is the stuff she asked her husband to do.
6. If you want a nice man go for a bald one -- they try harder.
7. Go for younger men. You might as well -- they never mature anyway.
8. A man who can dress himself without looking like Wurzel Gummidge is unquestionably gay.
9. Men are all the same -- they just have different faces so you can tell them apart.
10. Definition of a man with manners -- he gets out of the bath to pee.
11. Whenever you meet a man who would make a good husband, you will usually find that he is married.
12. Scientists have just discovered something that can do the work of five men -- a woman.
13. There are a lot of words you can use to describe men -strong, caring, loving -- they'd be wrong but you could still use them.
14. Men are like animals -- messy, insensitive and potentially violent -- but they make great pets.
15. Men's brains are like the prison system -- not enough cells per man.
16. There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop"..
17. Husbands are like children -- they're fine if they're someone else's.

and another post...

2006-12-02T18:22:00.000Z

Yippee ..finally finished the dreaded assignment on "lies,lies and damn statistics on Trade Unions". Had to get an extension though. At least now I can get on with Life, Christmas and other joys and and starting the reading for the next one... I very much doubt I will get another B though.

Went to see the company nurse at work during the week- cause on the company stress test my scores were obsencely high. Nurse said I need to stop being a saint... wish my mum could have heard that... snigger. I

Christmas no mistletoe or whine!

2006-12-02T17:25:00.000Z

Well its been a while. I have been very under the weather recently. Union bod (fulltime) and my deputy have both buggered off for varying amounts of time and my two footsoldiers of the old school unionism are keeping me and management v. busy. HR angel has told me if she wins the lottery then she will give me half so we can escape corporate hell.

A tenner would be great.

I need the extra money I have a new life form growing on my upper lip. Yep the evil coldsore is back. No mistletoe snogs at next weeks Christmas party then.... OH will be safely tucked up whilst I ensure my *beloved* members behave.

We already have a case where a night out was organised (not by the company, but in the company name) which has led to allegations of assault, racism and bullying and victimisation. All in the genteel world of bingo.

God help us when the alcohol is flowing next week. I am gonna stick to diet coke after my last dalliance with alcohol- although my worst crime was some very dodgy dancing.

Home alone...

2006-11-18T13:16:00.000Z

I have an essay to write and I haven't started it yet and OH is out saving some poor lurchers lives by transporting them to safety. I may be horrid to him sometimes (alright most of the time) but I suppose he is..... lovely really. OK I said it. enough get over it.

Dreading Christmas... I have no idea on what to get people. Sigh.

Mother and father are coming over tomorrow. Probably to tell me how big my saddlebags and arse are.

At least my dog loves me unconditionally and hes grateful for christmas prezzies ...oh gawd what do I buy him...

Its been a while...

2006-11-04T18:13:00.000Z

Sorry for the absence. I have been running around like a headless chicken of late. What with having to do the family duties- i.e. going over to N. Wales for mother's birthday and OH wading into the sea to "rescue" Erics favourite toy. Also with Union stuff- organising a speaker for the next Regional Energy Forum, saving some ungrateful peoples jobs and locking horns with all levels of Company HR from director to footsoldiers. I have been in a perpetual state of fatigue and eating badly -dashing a sandwich here, choccy bar there.

I am not employed by the Union but it takes up a hellva an amount of my time. I recently did a time movement study on my working poatterns and I am generally working a 65 hour week at present. Combining that with running a home and trying to be there for Eric and OH is difficult to say the least. As well as having to be a saint when all you want to do is smack some of your beloved Union members in the face.

Being a twentysomething female Trade Unionist in a world of Middle Aged /Elderly White males can get a bit hairy sometimes but lately it has taken the biscuit. Thursday I was prepping for my run in with the directors and this chap (65 and a lovely guy) decided to bend over me (I was sitting down) and stick his tongue down my ear!!! yuck!!! Better get the police batons out for next weekend at the Energy Seminar - cause it gets even worse when they are drunk... last year it was difficult gentally telling the middle agedSouth Walian balding Elvis a-like (complete with sideburns) that he REALLYwasn't my type and even if I was ..I didn't think his wife would be impressed!.

Anyway on the up side -being a stress bunny paid off as I got back my first essay in my Certificate. A B grade. I was delighted till the next post which has brought my next essay title...and deflation when one of the questions was gobbledegook.

here we go again... Stress bunny. Now gonna go and consol Eric as the muppetts behind have decided to have their fireworks tonight. Do they not understand that TOMORROW is bonfire night... grrr...

National blogging day...

2006-10-17T19:48:00.000+01:00

Well today is meant to be national blogging day. Although I have plenty to blog about like my recent hol to Cumbria I can't be bothered to write too much as I am knackered and totally p*ssed off on my 1st day back in the office after hol and a meeting in Leeds- apologies for spelling tonight I can't be bothered to spell check.. Currently juggling the 9 month compressed degree, a full time job, running a home with a depressed OH and a lunatic mutt and trying to juggle 80 worth of work combined doing Union duties and full time job. Which is fine but what is making me very annoyed at the bosses who are currently making my life hell at the moment directly due to my TU duties.

Irony is though trying to get the time or the resources together to log the complaint properly requires me to spend time on TU stuff that I need authorisation for!. Can just imagine the conversation now.

Me- Boss I need to spend time on my TU grievance case
Boss- Why, what is it I need to know, you spend far too much time on TU stuff we are a company you know blah blah blah
Me- I sort out the issues to help the company you know and I cant and wont tell you who /what it is for confidentiality reasons.
Boss- well you can't go....

Its gonna end one of two ways either I file a grievance / tribunal case stating my legal rights or he gets a gob full and I end up on disciplinary charges... a few weeks ago my request for a pack of drawing pins got me summoned into approx a three quarter of an hour rant from my boss and his bosses boss. Where I kept my cool (for once) and pointed out that in sheer wages alone..them debting the whys and wherefores of where I was entitled to the pins (I was) cost more than the fricking pins.

I may go for the grievance .... unlike in my dream where he got a machete in the head.... Don't think I need a dream encyclopeadia to sort out whats going on in there.

Fair enough if I was a lazy sod, but I even ended up in the office on Sunday trying to sort out the companies mess to save them a bucket load of grief.

I don't even own a machete...... yet ....evil grin. Alright the stress ball gets it.

Its a dog's life

2006-10-05T17:23:00.000+01:00

10 Dog Complaints about their Human "Owners"

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny ... not very funny at all!
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? 4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. 10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

Safe sex

2006-10-01T15:40:00.000+01:00

The idea that Harley Davidson now does cake decorating sets to further the brand image, set me thinking on the many possibilities for "own brand condoms" and existing the company that they promotes existing slogans.

Sainsbury's flavoured condoms ~ making life taste better
Tesco's condoms ~ every little helps
Nike condoms ~ just do it
Peugeot condoms ~ the ride of your life
New galaxy textured condoms ~ why have rubber when you can have silk?
KFC condoms ~ they're finger licking good
Safeway's condoms ~ lightening the load
Abbey National condoms ~ because life is complicated enough
Coca-cola condoms ~ the real thing
Duracell condoms ~ you can just keep going and going
Pringles condoms ~ once u pop u cant stop
Burger King ~ home of the whopper
Flash condoms ~ just sit back relax and let Flash do all the hard work, so you dont have to
Halfords condoms ~ we go the extra mile
Royal mail condoms ~ I saw this and thought of us
Andrex condoms ~ soft strong and very long
Renault condoms ~ size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms ~ does exactly what it says on the packet
Domestos condoms ~ gets right under the rim!!
Carlsberg condoms ~ probably the best condom in the world
AA condoms ~ you always have AA friend
Pepperami condoms ~ its a bit of an animal
Polo condoms ~ the condom with the hole (very poor seller)
Halifax condoms ~ who gives you extra?
Charmin condoms ~ break the habit (and use protection)
Tellytubbie condoms ~ again again!!!
Cadburys condoms ~ give into your happiness
Kumala condoms ~ perfect together
Red Bull condoms ~ gives you wings
Cadburys creme egg flavoured condoms ~ how do you eat yours?
Sure crystal condoms ~ unbeatable against white marks
UGC cinema condoms ~ coming soon
Lynx condoms ~ because you never know when

Alcoholic Enlightenment

2006-10-01T11:00:00.000+01:00

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BOTTOM WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO. 4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO
5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE VODKA.
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.

Political Animal

2006-09-24T18:50:00.000+01:00

Eric attended his very first demonstration yesterday at Leigh Animal Sanctuary after the expose by the Times. As I am a technomuppet I'm afraid I can't copy the photos everyone else took (shame as there are horrendous ones of me on there). So I have added a link. OH is on the left of the first photo in the sweatshirt unfortunately Erics head got chopped off (in a photographic sense) and I am the one carrying the flowers in the 2nd photo as well as in looking very ugly waving a banner in the "Dogs trust" photo later on.

The protest was totally peaceful and the police were sympathetic, to the cause.

By the way Eric's eye is fine now and he enjoyed some theraupeutic sausages. It was a warm day and whilst we packed loads of water and treats for Eric we forgot to provide our own refreshments.

It was a worthwhile day as we have saved two whippets and two cats on the day and now Leigh Animal Slaughterhouse Ltd ahem I mean "Sanctuary" have said they will not take in any more greyhounds. That doesn't stop all the other lumpy and bumpy dogs who are too ugly to be profitable to be saved though.

Well at least its a start and we have public support on our side. It also was good for Joe Public to realise that the overwhelming majority of us who are committed to Animal Welfare aren't a bunch of Terrorist nutcases.

Sick as a dog

2006-09-19T18:41:00.000+01:00

Good thoughts please for Eric, my Lurcher. He had to visit Mr Vet this morning as overnight his eye had puffed up really badly. Mr Vet gave us some cream and tablets after injecting some dye into Eric's eye. Eric got to the V.E.T.S. this morning and as soon as he clocked where he was, sat down (on strike) and refused to be taken in. Before now the entire waiting room have been in fits of hysterics at his stubborness to go in for his jabs.

Here's hoping some therapeutic sausages and chicken make him forgive us...

Time travel, or is that time gentlemen please?

2006-09-16T20:54:00.000+01:00

Day 1 of the weekend study sessions at Keele - up at 6am didn't get to sleep till 2.45am after sampling a delightful evening meal (in Keele Uni's cafe) of cod in a cream ,prawn and dill sauce being plied with free booze (well not that free as the course costs an arm and leg).

Day 2 of the seminar today again up at six so I am shattered and spent the day drinking caffeine and eating pro plus. Most of the students and lecturers where ahem feeling delicate from the after effects of the night before (I'm out of the drinking habit).

OH asked me before going "do you feel studenty yet?" my answer "No way, there should only be one six o clock a day that you are awake for on the weekend ALL students know that".

However upon wandering into the postgraduate pub on campus K.P.A (quite friendly and nice actually) I discover that "happy hour actually lasts FIVE hours".

Tomorrow is my last day of the seminar and is supposed to be a half day 9-12.30, but who knows... There its official.... Keele Uni have discovered the secret of time travel...but I never expected it to be the Student Union bar who achieved it!

A Doggy Dictionary

2006-09-16T20:52:00.000+01:00

BATH: This is a process by which the humans drench the floor, walls and themselves. You can help by shaking vigorously and frequently.
BICYCLES: Two-wheeled exercise machines, invented for dogs to control body fat. To get maximum aerobic benefit, you must hide behind a bush and dash out, bark loudly and run alongside for a few yards; the person then swerves and falls into the bushes and you prance away.
BUMP: The best way to get your human's attention when they are drinking a fresh cup of tea or coffee.
DEAFNESS: This is a malady that affects dogs when their person wants them in and they want to stay out. Symptoms include staring blankly at the person, then running in the opposite direction, or lying down.
DOG BED: Any soft, clean surface, such as the white bedspread in the guestroom or the newly upholstered sofa in the living room.
DROOL: Is what you do when your persons have food and you don't. To do this properly you must sit as close as you can and look sad and let the drool fall to the floor, or better yet, on their laps.
LEAN: Every good dog's response to the command "sit !", especially if your person is dressed for an evening out. Incredibly effective before black-tie events.
LEASH: A strap that attaches to your collar, enabling you to lead your person where you want him/her to go.
LOVE: Is a feeling of intense affection, given freely and without restriction. The best way you can show your love is to wag your tail. If you're lucky, a human will love you in return. RUBBISH BIN: A container that your neighbours put out once a week to test your ingenuity. You must stand on your hind legs and try to push the lid off with your nose. If you do it right you are rewarded with margarine wrappers to shred, beef bones to consume and mouldy crusts of bread.
SNIFF: A social custom to use when you greet other dogs. Place your nose as close as you can to the other dogs rear end and inhale deeply, repeat several times, or until your person makes you stop.
SOFAS: Are to dogs like napkins are to people. After eating it is polite to run up and down the front of the sofa and wipe your whiskers clean.
THUNDER: This is a signal that the world is coming to an end. Humans remain amazingly calm during thunderstorms, so it is necessary to warn them of the danger by trembling uncontrollably, panting, rolling your eyes wildly, and following at their heels.
WASTEBASKET: This is a dog toy filled with paper, envelopes, and old sweet wrappers. When you get bored, turn over the basket and strew the papers all over the house until your person comes home.

yippee!!!

2006-09-09T08:20:00.000+01:00

Had "the interview" at Keele yesterday and as I was last one to be interviewed got offered a place on the spot.... :-) now the hard work starts.

Tattoo part 2 today. Have decided to go and see the fogeys today (my parents , nah I love 'em really folks). They are convinced that I'm only coming over to get their share of the holiday money (we are going away together to Cumbria in a few weeks) ...actually I think its more like OH wants his birthday pressie!!!!

The Lurchness monster

2006-09-03T20:43:00.000+01:00

Today we went to Cannock Chase with Mr Eric as the weather had brightened up. However no piccies so you will have to cope with this photo of the "Lurchness" monster spotted at Tittesworth recently....

Random pictures I have just uploaded

2006-09-03T20:34:00.000+01:00

Eric's Birthday Cake (See Mum I didn't they money for it on Booze, however I did have to "help" Eric eat the choccy bits as choccy is v.bad for dogs)

The new hair do

The new tattoo part 1. Part 2 next week. Does my Bum look big with this??

my OH (Dave) and Eric at Tittesworth

Things that are difficult to do when you are drunk

2006-09-03T20:09:00.000+01:00

Things that are difficult to say when you're drunk . .
a) Innovative
b) Preliminary
c) Proliferation
d) Cinnamon

Things that are VERY difficult to say when you're drunk .. . .
a) Specificity
b) British Constitution
c) Passive-aggressive disorder
d) Transubstantiate

Things that are DOWNRIGHT IMPOSSIBLE to say when you're drunk . a) Thanks, but I don't want to sleep with you.
b) Nope, no more booze for me.
c) Sorry, but you're not really my type.
d) No kebab for me, thank you.
e) Good evening officer, isn't it lovely out tonight?
f) I'm not interested in fighting you.
g) Oh, I just couldn't - no one wants to hear me sing.
h) Thank you, but I wont make any attempt to dance, I have zero coordination.
i) Where is the nearest toilet? I refuse to vomit in the street.

New me?

2006-09-01T20:50:00.000+01:00

Well folks, I know I am crap at remembering to blog. Well not much exciting has happened and I have been very busy doing not a lot of any great importance. Other half has finally agreed to another dog. We had set our hearts on one Murphy a big brindle greyhound but alas, it was not to be.

I have applied to do a Certificate in Industrial Relations at Keele university to keep my brain from rotting. As part of the massive application pack I had to complete I had to get two personal references sent in asap.

My lovely work HR angel Eryl, wrote me a smashing one after I asked her "to lie and say I am a worthwhile excuse of a human being". Was exciting and thrilling to take the pack up to Keele I was nervous though with the thought of going back into HE after my brief but rewarding time at University of Wales College of Medicine at Cardiff. Excited because if I get the certificate then I will be eligible to go on to do an Masters degree. Whooah... cool huh me the blonde welsh muppett with a MASTERS??!!!!???.

Anyway after busting a gut to get the form in and massive personal statement written it went up last night.After being caught stalking round reception by the friendly security guard, he promised me he would put it on the Course Administrators desk. Today I arrived home to an email offering me an interview- I am delighted! Not telling you when it is though... haha

Eryl got a "bribery" choccy bar for her troubles. Who says fat and ugly Union bods and skinny HR bods with perfect hair never get on?

The other thing I have done is after 5 ish years of having a proper blonde "Bridget" bob hairdo (as per my out of date avatar) I have had my hair cut short. So here is a picture of Sharon Stone copying my hairdo. Shame I can't do something so quick and easy to make myself thin....now where did I put my hoover???

...and part one of the new tattoo tomorrow.

What a waste?

2006-08-29T21:40:00.000+01:00

Thames Water said on Tuesday it had notified the government about possible job cuts and opened talks with trade unions.

"We have notified the DTI (Department of Trade and Industry) of potential redundancies and have begun consultations with the relevant trade unions," Thames said in a statement e-mailed to Reuters.

Trade union GMB told BBC Television that Thames planned to cut 25 percent of its workforce over several years. The Thames statement did not state specific job cut targets. RWE declined to comment.

Thames Water, part of Germany's RWE, is the country's largest water and wastewater services firm with over 4,000 employees and 13 million customers in London and the southeast of England.

I have had a fair old bit to do with Trade Union activities in RWE. Although not generally to do with Thames Water . Although alas when I did last do the last round of joint Trade Union negotiations with them for joint issues , possible redundancies were discussed then too in both Thames and Npower and I found myself as the single rep negotiating with RWE of the 3 unions involved (Unison, GMB and Amicus) then although that was relevant for about tens of jobs not hundreds maybe thousands as in this case.

It is a heavy load on Union negotiators to try to save jobs especially in such a heavily regulated and "in the spotlight" industry as the Utilities industry where profit margins and consumer and environmental and global corporate pressures often conflict on a daily basis. However it is one that myself and fellow negotiators in RWE do with the employees and customers best interests at heart.

Just a reflection though, that economic efficiency through job losses does not always mean the best deal for everyone especially the company proposing them and I hope my colleagues fight as hard as I know I have for them in the past.

For when you have nowt better to do....

2006-08-12T18:37:00.000+01:00

have a go at this - nudist trampolining

Happy Birthday Eric!

2006-08-12T18:25:00.000+01:00

Totally addicted to

2006-08-05T19:07:00.000+01:00

this .

but I am useless at it..no comments about women drivers purlease! Yep I still only have my provisional licence so the pavements of Stoke are safe.

Still waiting for a reply from the Pope about the dead Trade Unionists and from my MP about banning Greyhound racing... maybe I should reverse over them...??? hummmm... nah I bet I couldn't even do that properly!!!

Today I have been mostly............

2006-08-02T15:44:00.000+01:00

emailing the pope. Yep even though I am not Catholic. I was hoping he could intervene in the government sanctioned Trade Unionist murders that are happening in the Phillipines. I also emailed the UN sadly I got their out of office reply.... no wonder Israel took the offensive then... maybe whilst I was at it I should have asked his holiness to have a word with him upstairs on my behalf. I wish to ensure that the next attempt at ending my mortal life is not done by a Tesco value pineapple falling on my head... good grief a girls gotta go out with a bit of class. Please Lord if I do get killed by a fruit can it please at least be a Tescos finest fruit.... and I thought it was meant to be all the chocolate I ram down my neck that is bad for my health.

Is my dog hyperactive???

2006-07-22T09:51:00.000+01:00

Yes Eric and I are always on the go. However only one of us needs any beauty sleep though and it ain't the mutt.

Nation of animal lovers????

2006-07-16T12:03:00.000+01:00

Revealed: the man who killed 10,000 dogs- as revealed in todays Sunday Times.

(Article and comments shamlessly stolen by me to highlight the cruelty involved... )

The secret slaughter of at least 10,000 racing greyhounds by one man has been exposed by an undercover investigation. For the past 15 years David Smith, a builders’ merchant, has been killing healthy greyhounds no longer considered by their trainers to be fast enough to race. He buries them in a one-acre plot at the back of his home in Seaham, Co Durham.

Last week The Sunday Times covertly filmed Smith on two consecutive days receiving greyhounds from trainers before killing them with a bolt gun, dumping them in the plot and covering over the “graves” using a mechanical digger. He told an undercover reporter it took him three years to fill the field, at which point he simply started all over again. “Within a year the bodies have gone,” said Smith. “It takes me about three years to get across there and by the time I get there I can start back here again and there are only a few bones left.”

According to Sunday Times calculations and testimony of two racing insiders, it is conservatively estimated Smith has killed at least 10,000 dogs. The scandal, described as the “canine killing fields” by one campaigner, has shocked the government and greyhound industry, which attracts bets of £2.5 billion a year. Ben Bradshaw, minister for animal welfare, said Smith’s business was “horrendous” and promised an inquiry into the slaughter and potential health and environmental hazard of such a large-scale dumping of dogs’ bodies. Alistair McLean, chief executive of the National Greyhound Racing Club, which governs the sport, described it as a “euthanasia factory” and promised an inquiry. “This is disgraceful. We categorically don’t endorse this kind of thing,” he said. The RSPCA has previously expressed “grave concerns” about the fate of up to 12,000 retired greyhounds that go missing every year. A spokesman said: “There is no justification for killing these animals simply because they can’t do their job any more.” Smith charges owners and trainers £10 to kill unwanted dogs, many only a few years old. One trainer, who asked not to be named, said: “This man kills dogs for 40 licensed trainers and there are at least 10,000 dogs in his field. People in the industry have been going to him for years. Many of the bigwigs knew it was going on.” Since 1997 anyone has been able to own a bolt gun to kill animals without a licence, although they can be prosecuted if the animals are put down inhumanely or without the owner’s permission.

A new code of practice proposed under the animal welfare bill would restrict the killing of greyhounds to vets using “humane” lethal injections. After being confronted this weekend Smith said he would stop killing dogs, which he said he had done in the past for “humane” reasons.

The following is a statement made by Lisa Cartwright founder of Greyhound Gap -A nationwide Greyhound charity who receives no support from the racing industry.

It makes me sick to read this and know that this bloke will be made an example of and hung out to dry by the racing board (quite rightly so) BUT only because it has been brought into the public eye. Everytime a dog leaves a trainer they are meant to fill in a form explaining to the racing board where the dog goes. If the board doesnt receive it then they should be asking questions. How have 40 trainers managed to inhumanly allow 10,000 dogs to be killed without asking any questions? Quite simply because THEY DONT CARE!!!

Its happening all the time and this is not the first killing field to have been found. It will be dealt with then business as usual and this vile industry needs to be stopped now. Good trainers/bad trainers..... there is no argument left. Simple the industry allowed 10,000 dogs suffered at the hands of this b*stard, how many more are suffering on a day to day basis with it being swept under the carpet and the NGRC not asking the trainers where all their retired racers are disappearing too?

If anyone professes to race their dogs and be a *good* trainer and do it for the love of the dogs and TRULY mean it, they themselves would love the dogs enough to realise with this happening in the midst of their so called wonderful sport enough it enough and call it a day.

I want. I want. I want!!

2006-07-05T15:08:00.000+01:00

Yummy scrummy hound stories and helping the charity Greyhound Action as well.

I also want....

Diseases

(well technically Microbes)

Never before has the flesh eating bug (Steptococcus pyogenes) looked so good. However I know I need to diet but thats beyond a joke.....

How much would you pay for dignity?

2006-06-25T21:09:00.000+01:00

Well I had a wonderful time.. even though Bournemouth was like a waiting room for the grim reaper. Jokingly the other Unison rep I went with referred to the hotel as "The Hinton Firs retirement village" and we had to buzz up the night porter to let us back in after returning at the decidely late time of 9.30pm.....

Colin was disappointed at the lack of eligible gay men and decent curries whilst I was pining for a proper cold beer and for my speech to go down well.

Yep I did it... got up and made a speech in front of the tv cameras and 3000 people slagging off British Gas for offshoring their back office functions to India and getting rid of 2000 North West /Midland jobs. I got three rounds of applause and was mobbed on my return to my seat by the west midlands delegation.

Alas, dear readers, no chance of my head getting too big for the remainder of the week I was greeted by people saying "I really enjoyed your speech, can't remember what it was on but I enjoyed it".... hummm.

Dignity.Period.

High light of the week was meeting Thabitha Khumalo from the Zimbabwe Congress of Trades Unions. She is a remarkable woman. She has been been arrested 22 times, tortured , gang raped had her teeth smashed into her nose and had a machine gun pushed inside her her vagina so far she bled... her crime? Speaking out about the Mugabe regime and trying to save her fellow country women's lives . What by organising riots??? I hear you say..no by buying and distributing sanitary wear.

Due to the economic collapse in Zimbabwe female life expectancy has dropped to 34. Essential hygiene products are unaffordable. Women, mothers and girls are having to spend up to half their monthly wage on sanitary wear or whether to buy food. Invariably they buy the food an so have to opt to using newspaper cloth or even bits of bark pushed inside them to stem the flow of their periods.

This brings the additional problems with horrendous internal infections with no access to medical supplies- this in a country ravaged by HIV for these women getting an infection can be fatal in more ways than one . As a result of infections, women have been murdered by their husbands who think the infections are caused by them being unfaithful. Women with period flow are kept away from work and school one week in four thereby making their economic situation even worse.

Action for South Africa (ACTSA) is working with Thabitha and they need you to support their campaign "How much would you pay for your dignity?". British Trade Unions have already sent a million packs of sanitary wear to Zimbabwe. However this has incurred a tax charge of $23,000 at the border. Please check out ACTSA's website for details of how you can help save womens lives by providing something we take for granted every day as a basic human right to be in control of our bodily functions.

Currently reading.....

2006-06-25T21:01:00.000+01:00

I have just read the humerous novel "Narrow Dog to Carcassonne"- about a staffordshire couple and their pet whippet Jim who travel across the channel in a canal narrow boat!

It was brilliant. Now, as I am currently living only a few miles away from Stone where these intrepid explorers set sail from I was delighted to read about their exploits (especially Jim).

Any book that starts off by decribing how whippets smell of buttered toast deserves a mention here! I am chuffed that it is on the amazon best seller list and is readily available from all good bookstores and supermarket book aisles!

Right I'm off ..... for a few days

2006-06-17T12:23:00.000+01:00

Right I'm buggering off for a few days down to Unison National Delegate Conference. If you want to have a nosey at my hotel its here...

As my tan from Croatia has disappeared I decided to invest in some decent fake tan for the jaunt as my white legs looked pretty awful. After the suncream disaster in Croatia (slapping on the cream like no tomorrow then realising it had fake tan in it and being all streaky) I decided to invest in a good one for my trip to Bournemouth. Guess what all streaky again even though it "claims" no streaks on the bottle. Oh well at least this time I can cover up my stripy bits. At least I can console myself in that I am stripy like a tigerdog (Note Eric my hounds inclusion).

Healthy eating?

2006-06-14T15:38:00.000+01:00

Today I ate a nice healthy breakfast of 2 four finger Kit Kats, then I had a nice healthy lunch of two more four finger Kit Kats... wonder what to have for tea?......

All hail chocolate.... womans best friend... much tastier than diamonds.

Blinking Gutted!

2006-06-13T11:10:00.000+01:00

It seems Paul and Helen from Big Brother have finally split up. Helen is a fellow welshbridgetjones whos favourite hobbies include blinking.

Dippy hairdresser Helen - famed for saying: "I love blinking, I do" - ended the five-year romance. Millions of viewers were gripped as the couple fell in love on Big Brother 2 in 2001. After the show they set up home together in Barnet, north London, but have now sold up and are living apart.

Paul, 29, told Heat magazine: "The last couple of months have been hell.
"But deep, deep down we know we're making the right decision.
"From the day we met, we've never had time apart. We need to find ourselves again. I love Helen to pieces and I always will, but I don't think we're in love with each other any more."

Helen, 28, said: "I felt like the Wicked Witch because I was first to say something. But then Paul said to me, 'Would you want to marry me?' and I said, 'I don't think I would' and he said, 'Well, I don't want to marry you either'. And we laughed.

"Once we started being honest, we realised we get on better as friends."
She added: "We'll always be friends and Paul will still help me with long words."

Helen,you may not love Paul anymore but the world still loves you!

Captured!

2006-06-13T11:00:00.000+01:00

The runaway hound has been captured alive and well. He has turned out to be a she and the capture ended up involving the local fire brigade!!! For photos of the latest Greyhound Gap arrival go here.

Spot the dog!

2006-06-11T12:22:00.000+01:00

Yesterday OH (Other half) and I decided to take Eric (my lurcher) to Cannock Chase for a walk however it was too bloody hot and we ended up having a picnic under a shady tree there after having a minor row about melting ice creams!

When we came home I logged onto Lurcher Link and saw a note on the message board saying that a muzzled white greyhound was loose in Stoke (where I live) and can anyone go and look for him? (Obviously yesterday was boiling and this poor lad was muzzled so couldn't eat since thursday when he got lost). OH and I went out at about 4.30pm drove to the other side of Stoke (not a nice part either) and went wandering around hunting in bushes for this dog. At one point I saw a large white dead animal in the lake and heart in mouth I poked it with a stick until it revealed itself to be a Pike

Giving up and getting a reply to our message from Lisa founder of Greyhound Gap we met up with them at 8.00pm after driving back home and having a quick tea and cuddle for Eric.

From 8pm til 11pm We were trampling round and driving round one of Stoke's dodgiest areas putting up posters and lurking in bushes looking for this dog. At least we found the muzzle so the poor dog can eat now so has a fighting chance.

I wonder how dodgy we must have looked three estate cars crawling through a known kerb crawling patch and lurking in bushes on a saturday night... all typical welshbridgetjones innocent behaviour that could be easily misconstrued.

Will keep you posted on the "Brat" as the elusive greyhound has been nicknamed. Why do I have to be searching for the fastest dog alive? I think I should be involved with Pug rescue at least with little legs they can't escape far so catching them must be a doddle.

Today I will mostly be...

2006-06-10T10:07:00.000+01:00

avoiding the football.... everytime I see those England flags on the cars I get the urge to snap them off. Not that I have a problem with England flags, just thought they were inappropriate when I was home visiting the parents in Wales!!! Do the drivers not realise that WALES is not in England????

Everyone loves the Hoff !

2006-06-08T13:32:00.000+01:00

Over the last few days in preparation for the World cup work have been doing a team dress up the desks theme each team has been designated a world cup team as the unfortunate supervisors we have been given germany. So as we are owned by a german megacorp we can't use war references (pc ness gone mad!) so we made a shrine to Germanys cult hero David Hassellhoff - imagine the coincidence when I spotted this article this morning-

What was originally intended to be an online joke may actually become a reality - David Hasselhoff at No.1!

Yep, the Hoff is being tipped to top the UK pop charts over the coming weeks, without any radio play, promotion or even positive reviews.
The former Baywatch 'hunk' is the subject of a major internet campaign to propel his single to No.1. Emails have been sent to thousands of homes across the UK, reminding 75,000 registered punters that Hasselhoff's new single, Looking For Freedom is released Monday.
The site's creators told The Evening Standard: "We are not making any money from this. We are doing this purely from the good of our hearts. Think what he's given to the world. Knight Rider; Baywatch; the reunification of East and West Germany; untold laughter from forwarded emails of him in hotpants. It's time we gave something back. Let's get Hoff to No.1."

Looking For Freedom was a originally a No.1 hit in Germany and he famously performed it on the Berlin Wall to help locals 'celebrate' the end of communism. You can download the track from iTunes from Monday.

I haven't got room in my house for principles!

2006-06-06T11:53:00.000+01:00

As you may have guessed by now I am a crazy animal person. I am totally against testing on animals. As such I support charities which don't test on animals. I was clearing out my wardrobe on a late spring clean the other week and ended up with a large bag of clothes which due to my changing tastes and ever expanding waistline needs new homes.

I am too lazy to put these items on ebay and thought they should go to charity. Alas though at the moment they are taking up needed space in my bedroom as I never seem to make time to deliver them to the local animal welfare shop. They do not appreciate donations left on their doorstep in the evenings when OH is back from work. I do not want to lug the bag on the bus in the daytime.

Out at the local DIY store last night I notice a bin to deposit unwanted clothes for charity ahah....the answer to my problems! Alas no, it was a recycle bin for The British Heart Foundation who do test on animals. I will wait I say.

Today I get a bag through the post for Marie Curie charity, requesting old clothes great me thinks.... alas a quick search of the world wide web and alas they too test on animals. So tomorrow I shall lug a bin bag on the bus and with me to the doctors surgery in my vain attempt to hold the moral highground whilst doing my bit for charity. (and to empty my wardrobe!!!).

Dear readers, if you think I care more for animals than humans you are probably right however I do support some human charities as well as animal ones. Such as Macmillan who are my employers nominated charity. Last year the staff (including myself) managed to raise over a million pounds for this worthwhile cause. I also remind you of another notable charity, The make-a-wish foundation that my mum managed to raise over a thousand pounds for last year!

You know you are a dog person when...

2006-06-05T15:13:00.000+01:00

You have a kiddie wading pool in the garden, but no small children.
You have baby gates permanently installed at strategic places around the house, but no babies.
The rubbish bin is more or less permanently installed in the kitchen sink, to keep the dog out of it while you're at work.
You refer to yourselves as Mummy and Daddy.
You can't see out the passenger side of the windshield because there are nose-prints all over the inside.
You have 32 different names for your dog. Most make no sense, but he / she understands.
You like people who like your dog. You despise people who don't.
You carry dog biscuits in your bag or pocket at all times.
You talk about your dog the way other people talk about their kid.
You sign and send birthday/anniversary/Christmas cards from your dog. You put an extra blanket on the bed so your dog can be comfortable. You'd rather stay home on Saturday night and cuddle your dog than go to the movies with your sweetie.
You go to the pet store every Saturday because it's one of the very few places that lets you bring your dog inside, and your dog loves to go with you.
You open your bag, and that big bunch of poo bags you use for pick-ups pops out.
You get an extra-long hose on your shower-massage just so you can use it to wash your dog in the tub, without making the dog sit hip-deep in water.
You and the dog come down with something like flu on the same day. Your dog sees the vet while you settle for an over-the-counter remedy from the chemist.
Your dog is getting old and arthritic, so you go buy wood and build him/her a small staircase so they can climb onto the bed by themselves. You don't think it's the least bit strange to stand in the back yard chirping "Eric, pee!" over and over again, while Eric tends to play and forget what he's out there for (but what your neighbours think of your behaviour is yet another story).
You have your dog's picture on your office desk (but no one else's).
You lecture people on responsible dog ownership every chance you get. You skip breakfast so you can walk your dog in the morning before work. You are the only idiot walking in the pouring rain because your dog needs it's walk.
You don't go to happy hours with co-workers any more because you need to go home and see your dog.
Your weekend activities are planned around taking your dog for a hike (both days).
You keep an extra water dish in your second-floor bedroom, in case your dog gets thirsty at night (after all, the other dish is way down on the first floor...).
You shovel a zigzag path in the back yard snow so your dog can reach all her favourite spots.
You avoid vacuuming the house as long as possible because your dog is afraid of the vacuum cleaner.
You keep eating even after finding a dog hair in your pasta.
You make popcorn just to play catch with your dog.
You carry pictures of your dog in your wallet instead of pictures of your parents, siblings, significant other, or anyone else remotely human.
Your dog is the star of your World Wide Web site!
Your parents refer to your pet as their granddog.
You hang around the dog section of your local bookstore.
Your house isn't carpeted - the fuzzy fur balls under your feet are soft enough...
You don't give a second thought to using the brush you just used on your dog to give a quick run through on your own hair.
At your dinner parties, you always double check the butter before putting it on the table.
You have dog hair stuck on tape on wrapped gifts.
You have dog toys and treats in your briefcase.
You have several albums filled with the 8 by 10 pictures of your dogs but you can't locate any pictures of your kids to send to grandma.
You show up at the car dealers with a ruler, to measure and see if your big dog crate will fit. Before the actual purchase you make the dealer cringe by insisting that you load both crates and dog into the shiny, new vehicle to make sure it works!
You can't get the shopping in the car because its A) already full of dog food B) you have that big old crate in there.
You visit relatives only if there is a dog show nearby.
You remove all the seats from the car except the two in the front so you have room for crates... The passenger seat is full of dog stuff.
You cringe at the price of food in the supermarket but think nothing of the cost of dog food or treats.
When you get your latest roll of film and there isn't a single picture of a two-legged person in it

Recent shameful events

2006-06-05T14:51:00.000+01:00

This can only happen to me-

A couple of weeks ago I home dyed my hair. I do this regularly, however I went a darker shade so the day before going off on my"Shirley Valentine" holiday to Croatia. It turned out a mild shade of green. I panic and look on the internet for ways to restore..to late to get emergency appoint at hair salon and too embarrased to don my lurcher bobble hat in may to go (on bus) to tescos for more dye. Anyway find cure on beloved internet.

Pour tomato ketchup on head and wrap clingfilm round head leave 30 mins and will take out green. So yes I was sat here on the computer and packing my suitcase with heinz finest sauce and cling film on my noggin. Unfortunately postie called round at the time. He is decidely uncomfortable now delivering my ebay items. At least it worked thank gawd!!!

shameful event number 2-

I am currently off work with work related stress. I asked to see the company Occupational Health doctor. Company Doctor was very nice however because of me being a gormless muppett now seems to (wrongly) think im a drug addict!!!!!.

When anyone says drugs to me, I instantly think prescription medicines

He asked me if I took drugs- silence (trying to think of the names of my medicines) then a few seconds later I say "no course not" when realised he meant drugs not medicines... doctor says" you answered too slow". Then 25 mins later blah blah blah im chuntering on and at the end he goes "drugs aren't the answer". Well I'm still thinking about medicines so I say something like"no doctor I'm doing my best to cope but I still need them at the moment in fact I need stronger ones" (referring to my prescription medication). Only twigged later whilst picking up doggies doo's in the garden . He was on about the "other" type of drugs not medicines!!!!........ So not only do work think Im a lunatic, but a druggie one at that!!!

Hello from a new blogger!

2006-06-05T14:17:00.000+01:00

Yes I have finally been bullied into creating my own blog. SHAMED into it by my mad delinquant 50 something year old mum author of the "Coffee to go" blog. Not like I have a life to blog about. I am too busy being a mad dog lady addicted to Lurcher Link