National blogging day...

Well today is meant to be national blogging day. Although I have plenty to blog about like my recent hol to Cumbria I can't be bothered to write too much as I am knackered and totally p*ssed off on my 1st day back in the office after hol and a meeting in Leeds- apologies for spelling tonight I can't be bothered to spell check.. Currently juggling the 9 month compressed degree, a full time job, running a home with a depressed OH and a lunatic mutt and trying to juggle 80 worth of work combined doing Union duties and full time job. Which is fine but what is making me very annoyed at the bosses who are currently making my life hell at the moment directly due to my TU duties.

Irony is though trying to get the time or the resources together to log the complaint properly requires me to spend time on TU stuff that I need authorisation for!. Can just imagine the conversation now.

Me- Boss I need to spend time on my TU grievance case
Boss- Why, what is it I need to know, you spend far too much time on TU stuff we are a company you know blah blah blah
Me- I sort out the issues to help the company you know and I cant and wont tell you who /what it is for confidentiality reasons.
Boss- well you can't go....

Its gonna end one of two ways either I file a grievance / tribunal case stating my legal rights or he gets a gob full and I end up on disciplinary charges... a few weeks ago my request for a pack of drawing pins got me summoned into approx a three quarter of an hour rant from my boss and his bosses boss. Where I kept my cool (for once) and pointed out that in sheer wages alone..them debting the whys and wherefores of where I was entitled to the pins (I was) cost more than the fricking pins.

I may go for the grievance .... unlike in my dream where he got a machete in the head.... Don't think I need a dream encyclopeadia to sort out whats going on in there.

Fair enough if I was a lazy sod, but I even ended up in the office on Sunday trying to sort out the companies mess to save them a bucket load of grief.

I don't even own a machete...... yet ....evil grin. Alright the stress ball gets it.

Its a dog's life

10 Dog Complaints about their Human "Owners"

1. Blaming your farts on me... not funny ... not very funny at all!
2. Yelling at me for barking... I'M A FRIGGIN' DOG YOU IDIOT!
3. Taking me for a walk, then not letting me check stuff out. Exactly whose walk is this anyway? 4. Any trick that involves balancing food on my nose... stop it!
5. Any haircut that involves bows or ribbons. Now you know why we chew your stuff up when you're not home.
6. The sleight of hand, fake fetch throw. You fooled a dog! What a proud moment for the top of the food chain.
7. Taking me to the vet for "the big snip", then acting surprised when I freak out every time we go back
8. Getting upset when I sniff the crotches of your guests. Sorry, but I haven't quite mastered that handshake thing yet.
9. How you act disgusted when I lick myself. Look, we both know the truth, you're just jealous. 10. Dog sweaters. Have you noticed the fur?

Safe sex

The idea that Harley Davidson now does cake decorating sets to further the brand image, set me thinking on the many possibilities for "own brand condoms" and existing the company that they promotes existing slogans.

Sainsbury's flavoured condoms ~ making life taste better
Tesco's condoms ~ every little helps
Nike condoms ~ just do it
Peugeot condoms ~ the ride of your life
New galaxy textured condoms ~ why have rubber when you can have silk?
KFC condoms ~ they're finger licking good
Safeway's condoms ~ lightening the load
Abbey National condoms ~ because life is complicated enough
Coca-cola condoms ~ the real thing
Duracell condoms ~ you can just keep going and going
Pringles condoms ~ once u pop u cant stop
Burger King ~ home of the whopper
Flash condoms ~ just sit back relax and let Flash do all the hard work, so you dont have to
Halfords condoms ~ we go the extra mile
Royal mail condoms ~ I saw this and thought of us
Andrex condoms ~ soft strong and very long
Renault condoms ~ size really does matter!
Ronseal condoms ~ does exactly what it says on the packet
Domestos condoms ~ gets right under the rim!!
Carlsberg condoms ~ probably the best condom in the world
AA condoms ~ you always have AA friend
Pepperami condoms ~ its a bit of an animal
Polo condoms ~ the condom with the hole (very poor seller)
Halifax condoms ~ who gives you extra?
Charmin condoms ~ break the habit (and use protection)
Tellytubbie condoms ~ again again!!!
Cadburys condoms ~ give into your happiness
Kumala condoms ~ perfect together
Red Bull condoms ~ gives you wings
Cadburys creme egg flavoured condoms ~ how do you eat yours?
Sure crystal condoms ~ unbeatable against white marks
UGC cinema condoms ~ coming soon
Lynx condoms ~ because you never know when

Alcoholic Enlightenment

WHEN GIRLS DRINK TOO MUCH............

1. WE HAVE ABSOLUTELY NO IDEA WHERE OUR PURSE IS.
2. WE BELIEVE THAT DANCING WITH OUR ARMS OVERHEAD AND WIGGLING OUR BOTTOM WHILE YELLING "WOO-HOO!" IS TRULY THE SEXIEST DANCE MOVE AROUND.
3. WE'VE SUDDENLY DECIDED THAT WE WANT TO KICK SOMEONE'S ASS AND HONESTLY BELIEVE WE COULD DO IT TOO. 4. IN OUR LAST TRIP TO PEE, WE REALIZE THAT WE NOW LOOK MORE LIKE A HOMELESS HOOKER THAN THE GODDESS WE WERE JUST FOUR HOURS AGO
5. WE START CRYING AND TELLING EVERYONE WE SEE THAT WE LOVE THEM SOOOOO MUCH.
6. WE GET EXTREMELY EXCITED AND JUMP UP AND DOWN EVERY TIME A NEW SONG PLAY'S BECAUSE "OH MY GOD! I LOVE THIS SONG!"
7. WE'VE FOUND A DEEPER/SPIRITUAL SIDE TO THE GEEK SITTING NEXT TO US.
8. WE'VE SUDDENLY TAKEN UP SMOKING AND BECOME REALLY GOOD AT IT.
9. WE YELL AT THE BARTENDER, WHO WE BELIEVE CHEATED US BY GIVING US JUST LEMONADE, BUT THAT'S JUST BECAUSE WE CAN NO LONGER TASTE THE VODKA.
10. WE THINK WE ARE IN BED, BUT OUR PILLOW FEELS STRANGELY LIKE THE KITCHEN FLOOR (or the mop?)
11. WE FAIL TO NOTICE THAT THE TOILET LID'S DOWN WHEN WE SIT ON IT.
12. WE TAKE OUR SHOES OFF BECAUSE WE BELIEVE IT'S THEIR FAULT THAT WE'RE HAVING PROBLEMS WALKING STRAIGHT.